2,431 words / 16:56

Ever since the dead-eyed, boyish-looking Audrey Hale blasted her way into the Nashville Covenant School on March 27, 2023 and killed three students and three adult staffers before two cops shot her dead, the unanswered question remains: Why did she do it?

Early speculation hinged around the fact that Hale had taken to calling herself “Aiden” and that her rampage was motivated by a desire to take “trans vengeance” against a hateful transphobic society that refused to accept that she was a “he.” But where was her “Tranifesto”?

In early April 2023, the Metropolitan Nashville Police Department revealed it had seized a list of items belonging to Hale that included phones, laptops, a suicide note, and 19 journals.

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Star News Digital Media, parent company of Nashville-based conservative-leaning website The Tennessee Star, filed a lawsuit on May 9, 2023 attempting to compel the FBI to release Hale’s writings to the public. Two days later, the FBI sent a memo to Nashville police opposing the documents’ release.

In November 2023, cross-dressing conservative influencer Steven Crowder leaked three pages from Hale’s writings, the entire contents of which I have previously transcribed. One of the three pages consisted of Hale’s timeline for her “massacre,” and another appears to have been written the same day she committed the shooting. Beyond using a byline of “Aiden,” the three leaked pages didn’t mention trannies at all and instead suggested that Hale was motivated by rage against “crackers/going to fancy private schools.”

Other information that has dribbled in since the massacre painted a picture of a delusional failed artist named Audrey Hale who formed unrequited crushes on local black girls. So apart from revealing herself as an aspiring interracial lesbian, there was still almost nothing about gender dysphoria as a motivating factor in Hale’s mass shooting.

On June 5 of this year, The Tennessee Star confirmed that it had received digital images of “about 80 pages of Hale’s writings from a source close to the Covenant investigation.” The images were “of notebook pages written by Hale that were recovered from the vehicle she drove to the Covenant School.” Mind you, that leaves the contents of at least 18 other journals, as well as Hale’s phones and laptops, still unreleased.

Unlike the previous leaks, the passages culled from the journal reveal a tortured sufferer of gender psychosis with horrible spelling and an axe to grind against a society which wouldn’t accept that she was “actually” a male.

Diminutive heeb Ben Shapiro’s Daily Wire obtained screenshots of three of the recently-unveiled journal pages and, just like their former associate Steven Crowder did months ago, they made sure to plaster their watermark all over the images.

Since June 5, the Star has published dozens of articles about the leaks as well as their legal struggles to compel authorities to release all of Audrey Hale’s writings.

Citing the Metro Nashville Police Department, the Star reported that Hale began receiving mental-health treatment at the Vanderbilt University Medical Center in April 2001, when she was only six years old. They also confirmed that she’d been prescribed four psychoactive medications: the antidepressant Lexapro and the anti-anxiety meds Ativan, Hydroxyzine, and Buspirone.

At the moment, there is no evidence that Hale was taking male hormones or had received any female-to-male reassignment surgery. The idea that she was actually a boy trapped in a girl’s body was all in her head.

Today — Monday June 17, 2024 — Tennessee Star editor-in-chief Michael Patrick Leahy will appear before a black female judge named I’Ashea Myles to explain why he didn’t violate a court order to keep “certain purported documents and information” under seal.

What follows is a compilation of passages gleaned from the tiny textual nuggets that the Star has already released as well as unedited, uncorrected, and sexually graphic transcripts taken from journal screenshots dated March 11, 2023 — 16 days before the Covenant School Shooting. It appears that all of the entries were written in early 2023. Based on the leaks from last November, I’ve taken the liberty of assuming that what the Tennessee Star rendered as “f*****” is actually “faggot” rather than “fucker.”

Undated Entries

Why does my brain not work right? Cause I was born wrong. . . . Nothing on earth can save me . . . never ending pain. Religion won’t save.

A terrible feeling to know I am nothing of the gender I was born of. I am the most unhappy boy alive. I wish to be dead.

I will be of no use of love for any girl if I don’t have what they need: boy’s body / male gender.

No brown girls, no love. . . . I am nothing. Brown love is the most beautiful kind.

I’ve always been different. A lot of people run away from my difference like it is the plague or something. . . . Why did God make me this way? I feel wrong. I was born wrong.

My dreams cannot be here, so I must die. I feel bad. Hurt too much. Sad all the goddamned time. Either I have too much estrogen or am just a sad, lonely boy.

The [cocoon] of my old self will die when I leave my body and the boy in me will be free; in the butterfly transformation; the real me. . . . If God won’t give me a boy body in heaven, then Jesus is a faggot.

1/19/23

EVERYTHING HURTS. . . .

A terrible feeling to know you I am nothing of the gender I was born of.

I am the most unhappy boy alive

I wish to be dead. X

1/25/23

Want butt sex a big beautiful brown girl, w/ a big ass and a small asshole

If I had a penis, it’d be big + rock hard too bad I am a sad boy born w/ a puny vagina . . .

I pay no rent or bills . . . still live [with] parents, might as well throw me in a retard home.

2/6/2023

Everything HURTS

I will be of no use of love for any girl if I don’t have what they need: boy’s body / male gender.

I am the most unhappy boy alive.

Major blow to girls; I am a boy that has no penis.

2/7/23

WHITE NOTHINGNESS

My parents aren’t rich. They work hard for [their] money so I didn’t end up homeless. Yet I still feel bad . . . poor people resent this shit. . . .

It be better to be average [and] have friends. The most brilliant people suffer the most and are the most isolated from everything they love.

2/20/23

Fuck getting old; all that BS . . . it’s infamous to die young! Dying young is my destiny . . .

I make no impact . . . all my success was overcoming my darkness. . . . I know myself / no one knew, no one knows me; this life; reality.

I am of no society. And I hate society [because] society ignores to see me. I’m a queer; I am meant to die.

It’s not everyone in the White House making criminalizing laws; it’s someone scheming. . . . And whoever he/she/they may be, they are not American [and] have no care in the world about what ‘Land of the Free’ means. Whatever faggot is taking away human rights is not of a human at all; just a robot.

So now in America, it makes one a criminal to have a gun or, be transgender, or non-binary. God I hate those shithead politicians.

Disabled have rights, civil races have rights, LGBTQ have rights, gun owners have rights.

So now [because] of you, I wish death on myself cause of the pure hatred of my female gender . . . with no rights, anyone’s country is a shitty dictatorship.

2/21/23

I was called a woman, lady, and ma’am all in the same day. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY GENDER. EVERYTHING HURTS.

I was actually identified as a male today and it felt right but embarrassed of my female body. I SHOULD NOT BE IN THIS BODY!

3/8/23

I need a trans doctor . . . this female gender role makes me want to not exist. . . .

3/11/23

My Imaginary Penis

My penis exists in my head. I swear to god Im a male. I think about sexual fantasies, about how if my dick was real I’d fuck the girl I love in the ass. I want to know what thats like, but I never will because I was damned to be born this way. I swear to fuck I hate it goddamned so [illegible]. Its a fucking curse. Having a brain like mine has its godliness but also prone to making poor ass decisions. . . . Fuck me, man. Mom just says Im young and young people make mimstakes. But with me, its painfully more than that with being autistic and waste time all the time; myself, people, Death itself. And the biggest shit; the torchure of being raised a girl, and actually believed I just had to deal with it, and tried to be femenine. But that didn’t last long after high school ended + no longer had to fear of being called a dyke or a faggot. It was only until my early 20’s I finally found the answer — that changing ones gender is possible. And who I really was I finally embraced w/o shame. But oh fucking no, not w/ my mother.

What she believes, how she grew up conservativly, and that LGBTQ — especially transgender in her era was an enigma, an illness or nearly non-existent. I might have told her once in childhood I wish I was a boy when she made me put my shirt back on as a kid. But would say ‘Your a girl, and thats how god made me; you were born some kind of bullshit like that. It made me mad. Because being a boy as a kid was when I was felt most like myself. A bare, flat chest made me free. Girl puberty inprisoned me. And so does my mind. Puberty = Life sentence

The people in this world adds more bullets to shoot violent thoughts into my head full-on auto. I hate parental views; now my mom sees me as a daughter — and she’d not bear to want to loose that daughter because a son would be the death of Audrey.

Pain of loosing a daughter? Thats not pain, thats selfishness. Just like any rest of th eparents with that mindset. They are all full of shit. How could they not ever think of thier own child suffering, and that they hate their gender so bad they cut + want to kill themselves? Fuck parents like them who think of themselves first, and thier preference of conservative religion — gay shit makes them believe that the child they are given should stay that way in how they prefer them to be out of fear or (illegible).

Even if transgender treatment was discovered and tested during my time, I know how the situation would have turned out. My mother would not have payed a cent. Children who were able to successfully take puberty blockers and never enter a torchured puberty, those little faggots don’t know how good they fucking have it. I’d kill to have parents who would let thier child be happy no matter how different it is to thier viewpoints or don’t agree, or scared of it. They are willin gto listen to their children, not the other way around. Id kill to have had those resources; 2007 was the birth of puberty blockers and a newfound discovery for treatment of non-conforming transgender children. 2007 was when I was when I was in the 6th grade. Puberty already hit me. The only reason I could conclude why it didn’t bother me too much is that my boobs were small. I though they’d stay that way forever. My autistic brain change in body fucked me over now, even if my boobs are still small for the most part.

It started w/ getting new underwear for my big bears (my two tabbies, my lion + frog) And there I was thinking of porn and doing plastic surgery on my boy stuffed animals when I got home giving them penises b/c thier middle in section looked like a vagina + the underwear was [illegible] too big. Why not give volume with [illegible]. No boy should ever have that. If I cant change my appearence, I can pretend how it would be by my imagination of childs play through my stuffed animal’s spirits through me.

Toy Sex (My Imaginary Penis.)

I can pretend to be them + do the things boys do + experience w/ thier dicks. My boy self as tony — my stuffed boy doll is like the boy I am in another form since childhood. I constructed for him a penis, then got out my girl doll named Ashley (who is tonys life-long boyfriend) to have sex w/ tony. Ashley was represented as any dream girl I wished to have in real life as a child (I liked blonde white hot girls back then), and tony is me; having those intimate relationships w/ a beautiful girl. Tony is a boy: inside and out. Ashley is a girl inside and out. Two straight lovers who are in full nature of themselves by awareness. I let Tony fuck Ashley in the ass hard-humping and stuffed Tony’s big penis in aggressivly into her asshole. It took several attempts for Tony to put his dick into her vigina because he has a big dick (and was even bigger since had had an erection) finally went in and Ashley cried and moaned for a good ten minutes. Tony humped slow and gentle from viginal sex. In but sex, he humped speedly and hard, tony grunting w/ all his strength. Then after I fucked Ashley for a good ten minutes (remember Tony is me).

Then I let her suck his dick and touch his erected penis. After that they wrapped each other in thier arms + legs as a sloth hugging a tree. After love they made, gracefully sat side by side naked holding hands, surrounded by the scattering of thier clothes. I took pictures of thier sex positions.

My imaginary penis was hard for hours. Rock hard as a flintstone. Hours making cloth penises for my boy bears, only to realize I missed the gym cause they closed at 7. I was mad already cause I had no work all that afternoon. Walked around the mall browsing t-shirts at Spencers and got some boots for tommy, my stuffed lion At build-A-Bear workshop. I purchased some stickers at Zummies for my car and one sticker I got — A stripper booty illustration w ‘Dat Ass’ on it. God, I am such a pervert. I waste too much time in my fantasies. . . .