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O. J. Simpson: 1947-2024

Up until June 12, 1994, white America was convinced that O. J. Simpson was “one of the good ones.” When it turned out that he wasn’t — and that black America supported him, anyway — race relations took a permanent turn for the worse.

June 12 is my birthday and, possibly overdosing on cake, I’d fallen asleep in my Hollywood apartment around dusk, only to be rustled from slumber by my first wife, who shook me awake to say, “Jimmy — O.J. Simpson murdered his wife.”

We’d lived through the Rodney King riots two years earlier and saw Hollywood almost burn to the ground. Like most people at the time, we were surprised that a jury had acquitted the “four white cops” involved in his beating. Then again, the media had purposely obscured the fact that one of the “four white cops,” Theodore Briseno, was Mexican. And it wasn’t until at least two decades after the riots that I learned Rodney King had two partners with him the night of the beating. Unlike Rodney, they obeyed police orders, stayed on the ground, and emerged with barely a scratch.

Until the night that Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman were slaughtered, however, most white Americans seemed to know the difference between O. J. Simpson and barely-sentient ghetto slugs such as Rodney King. The affable Simpson became a household name in 1968 when he won the Heisman Trophy and cemented his superstar status in 1973 when he became the first National Football League running back to rush for over 2,000 yards in a single season. During a time when black militancy was de rigueur for black celebrities, Simpson went out of his way to endear himself to white Americans. In the 2016 documentary OJ: Made in America, people who knew him quoted him as often proclaiming, “I’m not black; I’m O. J.”

His murder trial was considered a slam-dunk victory for prosecutors up until the point that the word “nigger” was introduced as a star witness. In front of a stacked jury that included eight blacks and only one white female, F. Lee Bailey grilled Mark Fuhrman — the white detective who found the glove that was stained with blood matching Simpson’s DNA — about whether he’d uttered the word “nigger” at any time over the previous ten years. Fuhrman denied that he had. When prosecutors entered into evidence tapes where Furhman had repeatedly used the word in conversations with writer Laura McKinny, that’s all that the black jury needed to acquit Simpson of murder.

When white Americans beheld black Americans celebrating the fact that someone who almost certainly murdered a white woman and the “white” Ron Goldman, a tiny white lightbulb lit up over millions of previously egalitarian white heads: For black Americans, blood was thicker than the facts.

In OJ: Made in America, the black female juror Carrie Bess admitted that she and other black jurors acquitted Simpson as “payback” for the Rodney King verdict:

Interviewer: Do you think that there are members of the jury that voted to acquit O. J. because of Rodney King?

Bess: Yes.

Interviewer: You do?

Bess: Yes.

Interviewer: How many of you do you think felt that way?

Bess: Oh, probably 90% of ’em.

Interviewer: 90%? Did you feel that way?

Bess: Yes.

Interviewer: That was payback.

Bess: Uh-huh.

Interviewer: Do you think that’s right?

Bess: [holds up her hand and shrugs]

After a 1998 interview with journalist Ruby Wax where Simpson yet again denied killing his ex-wife and Ron Goldman, he had a little fun at her expense by pretending to stab her with a banana while making screeching noises reminiscent of the shower scene in Psycho.

In 2007, Simpson trolled the entire planet by writing a book called If I Did it: Confessions of the Killer.

On October 3, 2008 — 13 years to the day after he was acquitted of the murders of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman — he was sentenced to prison for 33 years in connection with an armed robbery in Las Vegas where he’d stolen sports memorabilia at gunpoint.

He was paroled in 2017. In 2024, prostate cancer proved to be the only thing that O. J. Simpson couldn’t outrun.

But his lasting contribution to American race relations is that his behavior, as well as that of his black supporters, forced many white Americans to think, “Maybe there aren’t any good ones.”

Black Women: A Total Eclipse of the Brain

Last Monday, as a solar eclipse carved a path of totality over the United States starting in southwest Texas and ending in northeastern Maine, black women’s intelligence remained relatively unaffected.

The hippo-faced Sheila Jackson Lee has represented the 18th Congressional District of Texas since 1995. During her absurdly long tenure, she has ameliorated the self-doubt and occasional guilt pangs of anyone who may suspect that black women are dumber than a box of burnt matchsticks.

While visiting California’s operations center for the Mars Pathfinder in 1997, Ms. Jackson Lee — who for a time served as the top-ranking Democrat on the House Science Committee’s space subcommittee — asked whether the Pathfinder had taken a snapshot of the American flag that Neil Armstrong had planted on the Moon in 1969.

In 2003, Lee griped that hurricane names were too “lily white” and suggested that out of concern for equitable representation, future hurricanes should receive names such as “Keisha, Jamal, and Deshawn.”

In 2010, Lee demonstrated her nonpareil grasp of geopolitics and geography by declaring that “[t]oday, we have two Vietnams, side by side, North and South, exchanging and working.”

In 2014, she made a statement implying that she believed the US Constitution was 400 years old.

While speaking at Booker T. Washington High School in Houston last Monday, Jackson Lee — who’s a Yale graduate, I shit you not — ululated thusly about our solar system:

Provide unique light and energy so that you have the energy of the moon at night and sometimes you’ve heard the word full moon and sometimes you need to take the opportunity just to come out and see a full moon is that complete rounded circle which is made up mostly of gases and that’s why the question the question is why or how could we as humans live on the moon. The gas is such that we could do that. The sun is a mighty powerful heat that is almost impossible to go near the sun. The moon is more manageable and you will see in a moment, or not a moment, you’ll see in a couple of years that NASA is going back to the moon.

Not to be outdone in the stupe department by some hifalutin Congressbitch, at least two other black women decided to get violently superstitious over da eclipse.

In northern Florida last Monday afternoon, 22-year-old Taylon Nichelle Celestine reportedly told staffers at the motel where she’d been staying that God had told her to embark on a shooting spree for undisclosed reasons relating to the solar eclipse. She then jumped into her purple Dodge Challenger and, armed with an AR-15 rifle and a 9mm handgun, drove onto Interstate 10 and shot at two different drivers, hitting one in the arm and another in the neck but failing to kill either one. She was arrested and charged with attempted murder, aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, and improper discharge of a firearm.

Is it too late to charge her with some kind of crime merely for calling herself “Taylon Nichelle Celestine”?

In the early morning hours last Monday way out yonder in California way, a black female “astrology influencer” named Danielle Johnson stabbed her boyfriend to death, then hopped into a car with her two children, aged nine and eight months, and fled the murder scene in her Porsche SUV. According to the Los Angeles police, while driving on the freeway Johnson shoved her two children out onto the asphalt. The nine-year-old was able to run to safety, but the eight-month-old was run over and killed. Johnson later perished after ramming her Porsche into a tree at 100 miles per hour.

Prior to the eclipse, Johnson, posting under the name “Ayoka,” had told her more than 100,000 Instagram followers that the eclipse would represent the “epitome of spiritual warfare” and that they needed to “pick a side” because “the apocalypse is here.”

If Sheila Jackson Lee, Taylor Nichelle Celestine, and Danielle Johnson are any indication, black women have already picked a side. That side’s name is “stupid.”

Extremely Scientific Survey Claims that Black Kids Feel Less Safe When Visiting White Parts of Town

“Visiting white parts of town make [sic] some Black [sic] kids feel less safe,” reads what is possibly the century’s most reality-inverted headline. Published by Ohio State News with a byline by a certain Jeff Grabmeier, I would assume that taxpayer dollars at least partially birthed this goofy article. I’d also assume that someone, somewhere on the editorial staff would have been awake enough to realize that the headline’s subject/verb agreement is wrong — i.e., it should have been “Visiting . . . makes.” And then there’s the inequitable-but-mandatory “Black/white” capitalization scheme, which should make any white kid in the country feel endangered.

According to Jeff Grabmeier, Friend of Negro Youths:

Some Black [sic] youth feel less safe when they visit predominantly white areas of their city, a new study in Columbus has found.

And it was those Black [sic] kids who spent the most time in white-dominated areas who felt less safe, said Christopher Browning, lead author of the study and professor of sociology at The Ohio State University. . . .

The study was published online recently in the Journal of Adolescent Health.

Data came from the federally funded Adolescent Health and Development in Context study, which involved 1,405 11- to 17-year-old youths in Columbus.

“Federally funded” — fantastic. So not only was this propagandistic puff piece funded by tax dollars, so was the survey which preposterously proposes that black children tremble in fear when visiting white neighborhoods. Check out the photo they chose to illustrate the “article.” Behold how Tardavious cowers in the foreground as a cluster of malevolent white thugs in the background silently terrorizes him with their unabashed whiteness.

The article continues:

This perception of being less safe in white neighborhoods may have real-life health consequences for Black [sic] youth. In a study published last year in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology, Browning and colleagues measured hair cortisol concentrations in some of the same Black [sic] and white youths (690 total) involved in this research. High hair cortisol levels indicate elevated levels of chronic stress.

Okay, for starters, as a white prison inmate called “Snake” once informed me, black people don’t have hair, they have fur. He told me that this is confirmed in the Old Testament. And if black kids actually feel less safe when they’re in white neighborhoods — despite all the stats about who’s actually killing black people and where they’re killing them — they should stay the hell out of white neighborhoods.

Today is April 15, and it makes me nauseous deep in the pit of my lily-white tum-tum to realize how many thousands of dollars I’m shoveling to the IRS merely so they can smack me in the face with this kind of nonsense.

Iran Fires Missiles and Drones at Israel as the World Lurches Closer toward WWIII

On April Fool’s Day, in the midst of pummeling Gaza into dust to a degree that would have made the bombers of Dresden jealous, Our Greatest Ally struck an Iranian annex building next to the Iranian embassy in Damascus, Syria, killing 16 people.

Over the weekend, Iran sent hundreds of drones and missiles toward Israel, most of which were reportedly intercepted and shot down before even crossing into God’s Chosen Country. The US Air Force and the United Kingdom’s Royal Air Force aided in Israel’s defense.

Again, it’s April 15, and without delving into the roots of the Federal Reserve and the bankers who shove young men through meat grinders for profit, I merely want to state for the record that I resent having to pay a penny of taxes to defend people who’d gladly see me and my kind wiped off the face of the planet.

It also occurred to me that the recent triumphalist jubilation about social media, particularly Elon Musk’s X, being more permissive toward Jew-naming and anti-Zionist sentiment may be premature. If we’re actually headed toward World War III on Israel’s behalf, the only thing this may signify is that intelligence agencies are loosening restrictions on “anti-Semitism” merely to compile lists of those whom they will subsequently charge with treason.

Or were you actually naïve enough to think that your screen name protects you from state surveillance? On April 15, take a moment to consider that you’re paying taxes to make it easier for them to spy on you.