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As We Enter Black History Month, Let Us Reflect on Teen (and Preteen) Crime

In news reports, the word “teen” has become a dog whistle that racist reporters use to identify young, black criminal suspects. Due to misguided propriety, it’s considered racist merely to call them black, even though everyone knows that when you identify anyone in a news story as a “teen,” that’s shorthand for “young black malefactor.”

Riddle me this, though: If it’s racist to identify a criminal suspect as black, why isn’t it ageist to identify them as a “teen”? People have no control over being born black, but it’s not like they get to choose their birth year, either, is it? Are there any Gray Panthers out there who can help unpack this double standard for me?

In a refreshingly honest Washington Post essay, a black man named Colbert I. “Colby” King dispenses with the niceties to reveal that

[l]ast year, 584 youths under 18 were arrested for violent crimes in [Washington,] D.C. Of those, 556 were Black [sic], and 99 were between 12 and 14.

So despite the fact that blacks only account for 41.4% of DC’s population, last year they comprised 95.2% of those under 18 who got arrested for violent crimes. At this point, “teen equals black” is settled science.

One might fairly assume that the same applies to preteens.

King’s article is titled “What it means when a 9-year-old is charged with attempted robbery,” and it deftly interweaves the topic of young black criminality with the fact that February is Black History Month. Blacks get the shortest month of the year to celebrate their history for the simple fact that, hey, there’s not a whole lot to celebrate:

This year’s Black History Month kicks off with recognition of a milestone that warrants no celebration whatsoever . . . In response to my inquiry, the D.C. police department told me that the 9-year-old male arrested Jan. 26 and charged with assault with intent to rob a woman at 12:40 a.m. appears to be the youngest person arrested on suspicion of attempted robbery in the past five years. That’s nothing to cheer about.

But while rhapsodizing, I’ll also be thinking about that 9-year-old and his 13-year-old companion, who allegedly approached a woman in the overnight hours and tried to steal her purse. There are hundreds of Black [sic] youths in this city traveling down that same path.

Do nothing, forget about the world of that 9-year-old, condemn and discard troubled Black [sic] boys and girls as worthless refuse? I would rather die. Do that, and one day all the triumphs of Black [sic] history will be relegated to the dust heap.

As appalling as it is to ponder that there are 9-year-old blacks out there attempting to rob women’s purses, that’s probably the least horrific story of teen criminality to cross my desk this week. I’m going to suspend all pretense of journalistic opportunity, clamber up a giant white oak tree, and crawl out on a big, fat, racist limb the size of a battleship cannon to infer that every racially unidentified “teen” in these reports is black.

“Max penalty given to teen who stabbed another teenager in fight over McDonald’s sauce,” blares a headline regarding the resolution of a murder case, again from DC, regarding a condiment-related stabbing death from last August:

The death of Naima Liggon, 16, made international news when police first said she was stabbed after a fight over sweet and sour sauce. Just one day before starting her junior year at Thomas Stone High School in Waldorf, Naima broke curfew and went to a D.C. house party with friends.

Afterward, a group of girls went to McDonald’s on U Street, where an argument started in the car over sweet and sour sauce. Three girls, including Naima, stepped out of the car and began physically fighting. Naima ended up being stabbed twice by another 16-year-old girl with a 7.5-inch knife.

Prosecutors played the video from the MPD interrogation room when detectives asked the 16-year-old if there was a “prior beef” with Naima and she replied, “No — it was about the sauce. I asked for more sauce and she had an attitude.”

Let’s review: teen . . . McDonald’s . . . sweet and sour sauce . . . stabbing death . . . attitude. Blackness confirmed.

In her defense, the killer said:

Sorry to the friends and family. I am sorry to cause you this pain. I still think about the victim and I want to apologize to Naima’s mother. I am a very genuine person and I’m not a bad person.

There are perks to being a teen. The judge handed down the maximum sentence allowable by law. When the convicted killer reaches 21, she will be free once more to roam DC’s streets and stab people to death over fast-food disputes.

Last week, Seattle authorities finally arrested two “teens” — a 13-year-old girl and a 15-year-old boy — in connection with “two deliberate hit and runs” the pair filmed on November 26. If you are intrepid enough to click the link on the word “teens” there, you can espy footage of the underage joyriders. Their patois sounds distinctly African American:

Neither minor has been identified, but police say they left their victims with ‘serious injuries’ after striking them down in a stolen car. . . .

The clip of the first incident shows a woman crossing the street with the vehicle taking aim at her before she reaches the other side.

The disturbing actions are then witnessed from inside the car with the occupants heard laughing and hollering at one another as they appear to enjoy knocking over an unsuspecting member of the public.

In cellphone footage from inside the car, one of the occupants can be heard saying, ‘Hit this b****, hit this b****,’ before the car hits the woman walking near the corner.

In the second incident . . . [the] driver of the vehicle once again aims directly for the pedestrian, striking them head-on from behind giving them no chance to move out of the way.

What kind of person would steal a car, drive around looking for people to vehicularly assault, and laugh while filming it? A teen, that’s who. Since police were only able to trace the perps through the cell-phone video, it’s also to be assumed that these were the sort of teens who were dumb enough to share the evidence with others.

On Thursday, Denver police arrested a “teenage straphanger” in connection with a shooting death that happened in the early evening hours of Saturday, January 27 aboard a public bus. The victim apparently died after committing the innately disrespectful crime of “manspreading”:

A 13-year-old boy is accused of murdering a Colorado grandfather over a dispute he was blocking the aisle on a public bus last week. . . . Richard Sanchez, 60, was killed only a few blocks away from his home while riding an RTD bus last Saturday night after he allegedly got into an argument with a teenage straphanger, according to Fox 31.

Less than a week after the heartless killing, police arrested a 13-year-old suspected in connection to Sanchez’s murder on Thursday.

Police believe the argument between the alleged killer and Sanchez started over the elderly man blocking the aisle with his leg.

“At this stage of the investigation, it appears there was a verbal exchange between the suspect and victim about the victim’s leg blocking the aisle on the bus, and the suspect then shot the victim,” the Denver Police Department told the outlet Friday.

Public bus . . . leg jutting into aisle . . . 13-year-old feels disrespected, pulls out gun, and shoots leg-wielder dead.

Happy Teen History Month, everyone.

After Stalling for Nearly Three Months, Pope Francis Finally Responds to a Passive-Aggressive (and Frankly Pushy) Open Letter From His “Jewish Brothers and Sisters in Israel”

To my knowledge, the Catholic Church had nothing to do with the Hamas attacks on Israel last October 7, but from my experience, Jews can be so touchy that they will feel attacked even if you didn’t attack them.

On November 12, a coalition of over 400 self-described “Jewish scholars, religious leaders, and long-time practitioners in Jewish-Christian dialogue, in Israel, America, and Europe” with intensely Jewy names such as Rabbi Dr. Shmuly Yanklowitz and Rabbi Irwin Zeplowitz sent “An open letter to His Holiness, Pope Francis, and to the Faithful of the Catholic Church” hectoring the Pontiff and his sheep about past verbal commitments they’d made to protect Jewish feelings at all costs.

I’m not sure why Catholics or Jews should feel anything in common, seeing as their major bone of contention is whether Jesus was the messiah. From a Jewish standpoint, Catholics corrupted and perverted their special covenant with Yahweh and thereby stole their religion from under their sandals, whereas Catholics believe that Jews murdered God and still haven’t apologized.

It didn’t take long for the Pope’s Hebraic pen pals to launch into an extended kvetch-fest about October 7:

On October 7, Hamas, Islamic Jihad and not a few Gazan civilians committed a massacre in the Southern part of Israel. Approximately 1200 civilians were slain, including women, children and babies, disabled people, and Holocaust survivors. The terrorists abused bodies, burned entire families, brutally raped woman [sic], and committed other atrocities which the hand hesitates to write. About 240 men, women, and children were abducted and are still held hostage by Hamas. This massacre was the most horrific attack on Jews since the Holocaust. It was a full-fledged pogrom of the kind we all hoped was no longer possible.

To the Jewish signatories’ credit, they managed to dredge up several official proclamations from the Holy Roman Church and then throw them back in the Pope’s face — namely, pledging to honor “the bond that spiritually ties the people of the New Covenant to Abraham’s stock,” to be “mindful of the patrimony [the Church] shares with the Jews and moved not by political reasons but by the Gospel’s spiritual love,” to cherish the “strong bond of friendship between Jews and Catholics,” and to ensure that “the spoiled seeds of anti-Judaism and anti-Semitism [will] never again be allowed to take root in any human heart.”

I hope I’m not stepping on anyone’s toes to suggest that Jewish behavior can be a trifle off-putting. I’m not sure why the Jews fingered the Pope to take action about the global outbreak of anti-Jewish animus that resulted after Israel decided to pound Gaza into pixie dust, but it’s almost as if crying out in pain while launching airstrikes is some kind of tradition with these peeps.

The initial signatory to November’s open letter was a decidedly uncomely female rabbi named Karma Ben Johanan, who in mid-January thought it’d be prudent, and maybe even persuasive, to write a condescending article called “There is a right and wrong way for Catholics to criticize Israel.”

Last Saturday, the Pope finally deigned to answer the open letter by sending his response directly to rabbi she-beast Karma Ben Johanan:

Dear brothers and sisters,

My heart is torn at the sight of what is happening in the Holy Land, by the power of so much division and so much hatred. . . .

Unfortunately, however, it must be noted that this war has also produced divisive attitudes in public opinion worldwide and divisive positions, sometimes taking the form of anti-Semitism and anti-Judaism. I can only reiterate what my predecessors have also clearly stated many times: the relationship that binds us to you is particular and singular, without ever obscuring, naturally, the relationship that the Church has with others and the commitment towards them too. The path that the Church has walked with you, the ancient people of the covenant, rejects every form of anti-Judaism and anti-Semitism, unequivocally condemning manifestations of hatred towards Jews and Judaism as a sin against God. Together with you, we, Catholics, are very concerned about the terrible increase in attacks against Jews around the world. We had hoped that “never again” would be a refrain heard by the new generations, yet now we see that the path ahead requires ever-closer collaboration to eradicate these phenomena.

Comparing the two letters, one can easily imagine the body language of their respective authors as they wrote them. Despite the fact that Christians are being attacked all over the world, I’ve never seen the Pope badgering Jews about how they intend to stop it. If anything, the Pope’s response comes off like a submissive letter from a panicked renter to one’s landlord saying, “I know the rent is late, but I swear I will get it to you, so please don’t evict me.”